Merry Christmas!!!! Last night I went to midnight mass. It was shorten than I expected. I am surprise that I did not fall asleep. Perhaps that nap helped. Or perhaps it was the annoying FOBs that sat in front of us. I don't know. Sadly, after the service my family and I were commenting on the FOBs in front of us.

Aside from that, today my family and I will be joining my extended relatives at my cousins house. They live in Walnut I think. Which is perfect, I can drop of my expense reports. I need to get repaid.

I woke up early again today. Absolutely not getting my 8 hours, how sad. BRB...I have to go exercise cause my mom is nagging my dad too, and he is passing it off to me. He just wants to get outta it. Bad Daddy.

i just had some sticky rice, sweet. however, i have this horrible curry after taste. i might puke. we shall we. oh, i don't feel so well. holiday, i love it. no work. it was grand seeing my girls. see you ladies soon.

it is around 1:30 and i am quite tired. i did a lot this morning. went to the mall, returned stuff at the gap, attempted to PA a skirt at nordstorm, but the BLACK lady wouldn't have it. what is up with that? i thought nordstorm was the best place to shop where you get no question asked serve. GUESS not. i am very disappointed.

i then headed over to the pantages to get tickets for les mis. yeah! i got them. it was the last pair. that's what i'll be doing new year's eve. after that my sis and i got some desserts at thai town and then went to joann's and the mall again. that's a lot all within that amount of time. i think i will nap now.

oh yeah....there are a lot of stupid drivers out there these days, so be safe everyone.

it is christmas eve, however not yet the eve of christmas. i am listening to lifehouse once again. everything. i woke up pretty early today. around 7ish. why? cause i was freezing cold.
for the past week, i have had an uneasy stomach; in which i have felt like i needed to vomit. i still haven't figured out what it is. but i think i shold go see a doctor pretty soon. my knee is acting up again too. it kinks, so i haven't been able to exercise much.

today the plan is to go to the mall and return stuff and then head over to the pantages to get some les miserables tickets; quick stop at thai town, and then meet up with the girls at bin bin konjac.

my arms are really sore and painful. maybe i need to crap or something like that. it is so nice that today is a holiday. no work. too bad i didn't get to sleep in.

my present for myself. i was thinking that i would maybe buy myself a labtop. i borrowed my sister's and i am gettting quite use to it. well, i am tired now, maybe i will go back to sleep. maybe i won't.

here's my twin. others would say "her split personality." 

friday night. let me tell you how i am spending it. i am on 3 computers. two labtops and one desktop. i am feeling quite tired and sick so i opted not to go out. they guys went out to auburgines but i was growing tired of that place. also cause i didn't want to pay a cover. plus the fact that i think i am about to vomit in the near future. aside from that, i am tiring to hold it all down.

a stress has been lifted off my shoulders so now i just wait. this week has been pretty crazy. today at work, it was pretty stressful. i am kinda sad that i have to be in sd on monday, yet i am also kinda glad. the picture about it a perfect representation of how i feel most of the time. like i am two different people. as if my inner self is having a battle as who should be the ultimate representation of sheila. emotions, i feel so many all at the same time. it is hard to control or choose what to feel. feel to feel? anyways, i am going to move on because i am begining to confuse myself.

this weekend there is a holiday party. i may not attend, though it would be nice. however, i am feeling ill. i think i need to take off these contacts or something. i was thinking, now that i work 1st shift, my life is so much more different. i am tired all the time. when i use to work nights, i was more active. now all i want to do is sleep.

i still have so much to do. go see the dentist, the doctor. it is so impossible though cause i am here in sd. i guess i could go to one here. i just may. i can't wait, next week, only 4 days. i have so many things going on in my life right now that i am just so exhausted. i don't want to think about it. i need an escape of some sort. maybe i should go out more. i dunno. being away from home, i am not able to do a lot of things. it is so frustrating. i hope everything gets better soon. i need and seek some sort of stability and i have not found it yet.

i feel like i keep a lot of stuff to myself, i am pretty sure i still do though. at work, i always get asked these questions...let's just say many. it does challenge me. however is this the challenge i need. i answer them in a silly way cause i think i need to be silly to stay sane. i hope i get a raise. i need it. well, i need something.

i have so much more to say, but right now too many multi-thoughts are processing that i need to pause it.

taking an aside......sometimes i wish i travelled more before committing. regrets......i wish i had done the EAP program when i was in college. being able to travel the world and study at the same time. who could ask for a better opportunity. now i have a stable job which means i can't take off when i want to. even though i do go on vacations it is not the same. this past summer i was at japan and the philippines. it was nice, but not the same as exploring by yourself. travelling can get tiresome, but i need to realize that for myself.

last sunday, i experienced food poisioning. it was horrible. right now, i am feeling it again. what is it with me and getting poisioned on sunday night. i hope it passes cause .... well....it just ain't pleasant.

i am borrowing my sister's labtop. it is quite nice having one, i might actually get one. but i still feel like it isn't justified. cause it is so expensive and kinda a hassle yet ultra savvy. i was thinking..... i have money.....should i use it? invest it? do both? i am a very thirfty person....but if i work so hard to earn this money....i should be able to enjoy it. but i know that i should also plan for the future. i try to save 1000 dollars a month. i think i am quite successful at it. i need a new goal to keep me motivated.

for christmas, i would like an ipod and a gbook. i think that will have to wait though. cause i really have to evaluate whether it is justified. any comments?

i still need to get my mom and sister a gift. i usually don't do presents, but this year i am feeling generous. anyways, what better way to spend my money than on the people that care about me, and vice versa. christmas....the holiday nice....it's nice....

gosh, i think i am going to up-chuck....not good at all. i better drink some tea or something. holiday party is coming up at work. i may go, i may not, haven't decided yet. i am kinda lazy, but i really should go. i will see though. i may be busy.

lately, i find myself becoming more religious. today at church, the pastor had a really good sermon. i think i will go to church there from now on. i went there before, but this time it was more of an awakening. lately, i find myself being more in tune with my religious side. i was raised catholic and before i was more nonchalant about it, but not so much lately.

i wish i was more motivated. i wish i was smarter. i wish i had a greater will. in high school, i was that way. but then i became extremely exhausted. now i am still, but i am just waiting for my chance to be motivated once again. in our life, we search for happiness. we seek fortune. we seek to be loved. why is that? are we born like this? are we nurtured to seek attention?

looking back at my experiences, i've learned enough to write a book about..... i would like to write one someday. maybe i'll begin tomorrow. but it will be pretty challenging because i am so random. i just from multiple thoughts. sometimes it is hard for my own boyfriend to keep up. i have this theory about relationship come and gone but i'll tell that another time.

alas, it is but a few more mere hours of torture that i must endure. i make it sound so dramatic when it is not. i know i need to rest my mind for the four n a half of brain aching .... that i must take. ideally, i just want to enjoy life and not have to worry about it. rather it would be great if I could just live it for what it is. however, I can't. why? because I am still waiting....waiting to see what will become of me. think about it?

i am faced with so many opportunities.....i really just need to see what makes me happy and do that. but what if that doesn't lead me to a life of fortune. is that ok? it should be? so why isn't it?

after tomorrow, i be more at ease. which is great. because then when i come home from work....then i can just RELAX. that's a great word. maybe even pop in a movie with ben stiller and owen wilson ...it's got that one time hit...."relax...don't do it...where you gonna....."

i better study a bit more, it's my last time. at least in preparation for tomorrow. oh yeah. thanks for your words solom.

shoulda....coulda......woulda.......you know what that means. it ain't gonna happen.

my confession.....my head is aching, it happens when i study something in a short amount of time. you'd think i learn the first time around, but no. i'm 23 and i wish my life was already paved out for me. i wish i had studied more when i was in college. isn't funny how life turns out. i want to take the easy way out like everyone else. i want to go back to school, yet i don't. i wish i had taken a different path in life. but at the same time i am grateful for what i have now. life is so confusing and i just realized that you have to accept it for what it is. rather than always thinking what if? cause if you live like that then you aren't living.

i would like to go to dental school, but i just hate all the waiting. i should be happy because i have a job, but i am NEVER satisfied. i am always wanting more. I seek for something better once i obtain what i have. so does that mean i will never be happy because one i have achieved my goal i become sad. that is until i come up with a new goal. that just sounds depressing.

i applied for the food network gig, we'll see if anything comes off that. I wish i could just enjoy life. I wish i had studied more in school cause now i feel like i am suffering. I wish I was smarter and more motivated. I have goals in life but I feel like these goals are not acceptable to the standards I was raised in. Wouldn't it be great if we could just do what we love for a living?

maybe i should give up on television because living in a fantasy world is just depressing, but at the same time an escape. i wish i had read more when i was younger. ahhh....why did i have to be so rebellious. I feel as though there is no purpose in my life right now. okay so there is, but once again i feel like i am in a state of limbo. I just want to get out. i wish i had chosen a different more simple life for myself. but if you think about it, life is all about Trial and Error and trying again.

I could probably go on and on, but it is getting late and i should go to bed so that i can study some more tomorrow. i need a miracle. i need direction. i need to achieve my hidden goals.

she's back. she brightens my day.  

i am digesting. the orange made me so full. i wake up pretty early... around 6ish to get to work by 7. i use to work nights. i kinda liked that better. even though i woke up at 9, i felt like i was more rested that way. i have it pretty good. but not so. i think about the future and am not really living the now. i find myself thinking a lot of late.

i need to be more motivated and just stick with one thing. i find pharmacy being a possible answer to all my anticipation. yet at the same time, i would only do it because it is what is expected of me. honestly, i don't know what to do with my life. i want to have it made. but don't we all. what do i want in life. the answer is love. but that's just hinders me from what i really need to concentrate on. it is my escape, aside from tv. but i need it, i crave it, don't we all? it depressed me that i am not grounded yet. yet, i am. yet, i am so young and have vast oppportunites ahead of me. i once spoke to a stranger about how the age i(we) are give us too many choices that is just so hard to stick to one career. it scares me to think that i will want to move one in so many years. it is a great opportunity. but still. people are different. so stick with one thing. others move from one field to the other.

i've had 3 jobs this year. what does that say about me? i am at my current job right now, fairly new, but getting there. there's an xmas party coming up at work. i will attend that. i wish i could just be an open book, but i can't.

i've got so many random thoughts that i am going crazy. i really need to just slow things down before i go beserk. i better get back to my reading. i need a vacation, but that's just a short solution to what i really need to get done. if i could do one thing over in my life, i would go straight to dental school. would i been more satisfied? i dunno. i am happy with my life now, but i am unsatisfied. i am never pleased, but i adapt. is that good? maybe it is my way of survival. okay, the rants end here.

i think i will be fine by next week. let's hope. even though i have expressed so much, i know the people that read this must be so confused and have no clue as to what i am saying. don't worry, it's just my way of keeping peace within me.

on a sidenote, i was working out today as usually and when i was there was this guy out at the jacuzzi and i noticed him noticing me. but i never pay attention to them cause i don't care too much for it. later, this lady, his boss comes in passing through and say, there's a guy out there, he works for me and he thinks that you are "very very attractive." go on out there if you are interested. that was flattering, of course.

listening to lifehouse- everything

what i want, what i need is to be like putty. i need to just be at ease and relax and feel free. i want to be able to come home from work and just vegetate. i want to just relx on the tube, have some dinner and no worries. i want to be free. i am taking a test on monday and i have to prep for it. after that it is safe to say that i can just sit and wait, like a sitting duck. sometimes i am so tired of being ambiguous and reserved. sometimes i feel like being that way holds me back from truly being happy. i feel as though i should change that somehow, but i can't cause that is how i am. that's how i know how to be.

i need to study, yet i am relentlessly typing away. sometimes, i look back and see what possible path could i be in, if i had not taken this one. that's the story of my life: the road not taken. regrets...i try to not live with any. that's probably why i live such a reserved life. honestly, there's only one person in my life that was blunt even to call me on it. and he was right.

i am so complex. i know i am, but on the surface i appear plain and simple. this is the first time i've ever admitted this. i have a lot of pride so it's rare that i'll be so open. this weekend i met up with one of my friends who i haven't seen in ages. i met him when i stayed a week in aspen. i learned something from him.....what was it.....funny isn't it, how it just skipped my mind. maybe i just don't want to reveal it on such a public page. but who really reads my blog anyways. i do wonder.

organic chemistry...there's me digressing.....have you ever self evaluated yourself? i try not to do it too much. there are so many opportunities in life. i wish i could just pick with one and stick with it. i would reveal my life dream but i don't want to screw with it. sometimes having no expectations is the way to live life, but that's settling and i don't want to settle. what do i truly and honestly want?

i want to be sucessful. i want fortune to just fall into my lap. is that so wrong? i don't think so, that's what we all want. i am just blunt even to admit it. I want so many things, but i dare no say it. i will admit, i have confessed. perhaps just a hint, a taste. i am so multi-orient that it drives me crazy sometimes. i think i need to slow things down. having a blog...it's me talking to myself and analysing my rhetorics.

it's saturday, what a nice day. I am so tired and would love to crawl back into bed. i threw my back out on thursday. so now it is slightly painful when i bend. friday started out nicely cause all i had was a meeting and the rest of the day was mine. so i went to the meeting and saw the new facility. then i decided to use this friday as a day to get all the stuff i can't do since i travel 100% of the time.

i went to carlsbad cause i wanted to make use of the friends and family at banana. i got a lot of gifts there. ;) However this was not an easy task, i tell you. so let me begin my tale. it all started with my keys. i shopped for a good half hour then i went to try stuff on. okay manybe 15 mins. my keys sat in my back butt pocket. so that isn't the smallest place to put you keys i tell you. so then i became frantic cause oh my gosh, i can't lose my keys. how am i going to get home. i am 44 miles away. so then i thought maybe i left it in the fitting room. and at the time an old lady was in there and we asked her to look. when she came out she didn't want anyone to go into that fitting room. and I was like, is it okay if i check to see if it is in there. she wasn't nice about it at all. you have to understand i have to see for myself or else i will always wonder. and why should i trust her word for it. i don't even know her. in the end, i found my keys in my shopping back. i was so glad, yet so BITTER! i ran into that old lady again and she ended up not getting anything.

to continue on, one particular person at banana was not nice at all. i wanted to of course save as much money as i can, so i wanted to take advantage of the 30% off. so i returned what i had purchased yesterday to re buy along with a bunch of other stuff. and she who wasn't even serving me doesn't mind her own business and says you have to go back to the floor and grab them. is she like the DUMBEST person. yeah i think so. cause it took me no more than 1 minute to grab those items. and it will take her at least 10 mins to retag them and put them back. stupid, as if there wasn't enough crap out there already. some people are just really stupid. i mean go ahead make it hard for me. i am still going to save so much more money. on top of that i probably make so much more money than your fat ass. in the end, why can't people just be nice, don't they realize they will get what is coming to them sooner or later. i don't mean to be mean, but serious, people better start treating others like they want to be treated cause it really will catch up with you in the end.

i don't mean to rat out on those challenged people but serious. and i mean challenged as those people who are mean to you because they envy you somehow.

that's all the bitter ranting for today. in conclusion, it's the holidays....be patient and nice. it'll keep the gray away.

i was at alakazam a while back and saw this. i couldn't get it outta my mind, so i had to get it. isn't she just adorable.  

as i was saying, i finally got it, it is going to be on my desktop at work. ;)
so let me see. i have much to say but i am so not in the mood to rant. so i'll attempt another time.

it's fall and gosh so many memories struck me suddenly. it didn't hit me until now, but now i understand. isn't it strange. lately i have been questioning myself. wondering what is this feeling coming over me and then all of a sudden, the answer hit me. i am so glad. i don't know what it is about life, but it just has its way. i know i am an ambigious person, but what can i say that is the way i am. even as i write it i have all these thoughts, random of course, but never unleashed. composure. i must always sustain that cause it is my world.

i often wonder, who reads this? onto other things. memories, they are an almighty powerful weapon. sure we can control them, but can we really? lately i have been watching too much tv. i really gotta get off it.

but as i was saying. memories. whenever it rains i become nostalgic. why is that? i don't exactly know yet, or maybe i do, but it hasn't fully dawned on me yet. My recent awakening has caused me to think. more than usual that is. but yeah, lately i have been in deep thought. about what, you ask? about life, about the future. about the past, about the present. pretty much everything. i feel even my life is a multi-task. i think television is my tunnel, my escape. because then, i can't dwell in deeep thought. i think my rant has gotten a little too extreme that even i can't grasp what is going on. so let me slow things down and breathe a little.

the winter is nearing so the season is just right around the corner. i don't know if i'll be able to board. gotta find an orthopedic person to check out my knee. i been working out more lately. back to 5 days a week. would be more, but i am pretty busy these days.

feeling so lazy, i really need to be more active or study more. i am growing tired of tv. blah blah blah. enough said.

hi blogger. it is i, of course. so yesterday i was about to blog. but it cleared on me. so this is my second attempt to try to recapture the mood i was in. so around 9:30 ish. my dad calls my brother and tells him that he think someone stole our (my) car. i was like what the....no way. so my brother replies to my dad, are you sure? maybe you should look again. and so my brother and i go to venture out and get my parents and help find the car. see here is the situation. they went to the san gabriel super store and there are two parking lots. and so that is why my brother kept implying that they look again. so then, on our way there my brother calls to ask my dad if he and my mom found the car yet. and the answer was no. so half way there my dad calls my brother and tells him that they found the car. thank goodness. my shoes and such were in there. i was also thinking to myself at the time it happened...... what kind of car do i want to get. and gosh, i couldn't think of one. i am really not ready to purchase anything vast, i guess. so yeah. apparently a lot of people who shop at that place think that they got their car stolen, but just that they were looking at the wrong place. see that wouldn't happen to me cause i am pretty good at remembering where i park. but with age that may not be so prevalent.

also, apparently someone scratched up my car. stupid people who are so careless about opening their doors too widely. i mean really if you can't be considerate....yes i am talking to all you old asian people out there who are so careless....also you old people in general and everyone for that matter. be more careful or else you'll get what is coming to you. it always happened when i am not there. boy if i was i would give them a piece of my mind. none of this passive stuff. it'll be a full on war.

what else is on my mind. i went to the mall this morning. realize that i'll be needing to get some petite length pants. gosh. boo... but ae just makes their pants way too long. they say 32 and a half inseam, but it's really like a 34. usually i don't like to get jeans from there. but i found one worthy of my taste. so all i gotta do is exchange the one i got. which reminds me, i need one of those 15% of things. bahhh....anyone got one.

other news. i'll be in sd more frequently cause now i am there 4 days instead of 3. work, i guess i haven't talked about that. i am enjoying it. better than my 3 day one. hehehe. i am always traveling from one place to the other, it keeps me busy. this is temporary of course. next year, i'll be back in irvine. i hope i get my own desk. i should cause i have a computer. anyways. that's it for now. i rant again, when i am furious or so to say.

hi blogger. so today, i wend to redondo beach. as i had just typed redondo, i realize that it is a funny looking word. think about it, RED-ON-DO. it looks beter on caps, seeeing that now. anyways, i also found out that the mall here has just opened an AE. ROARRRR. i went all the way to west covina. if only i had knowned. oh well. next time. they are closed now. i might go tomorrow. but to south coast. after work. it will be quick. ahh...i start work tomorrow. boo hoo hooo.

so yeah, i need to iron. must look appropriate for the first day of work. i think it is going to be fun. yuppie. okay, i am going to go lazy around and perhaps being to iron, later. it smells like oil. oh no.

so i was just reading a few of my earlier blog entries. and wow. who knew that i have been keeping up with this since 2002. listening to pachebel canon brings from some good memories. more so 'my sassy girl.' sometimes i miss the old days, but should i erase my past or so i take it along with me. buddha says to never look behind. but is that possible? sure, why not? but entirely? anyways, i will rant more about this in a few. i just worked out. now i need to shower, buy eggs, and look for some business casual pants. what defines business casual anyways. but yeah. i am getting fat. i need to watch what i eat or something.

i am back. well when i went up north during labor day, i almost everyone wearing a yellow wrist band. and i was like, hmmm....i wonder why? then yesterday, i thought i had figured it out. and well, i thought it was like an identification thing. but here's what it is really. it's a wristband saying LIVESTRONG, to support cancer survivors and anything cancer related, i assume. let me read about it. here's a link though, if you'd like one. LIVE STRONG in addition, it has also become fashionable. read about it.

so check it out everyone, pictures and comments. even a new layout cool, huh?

so here is how my day went. i work up pretty early. so i think i already metioned that. but i did get my trim. that was so nice. i really needed it too. for some reason my hair was so dry and had all these split ends. usually i don't get those. but it was so nice to get a refreshing trim. then i went home. made dinner. watched ssome degrassi and did in-between stuff. whatelse. tomorrow, i may go shopping for some businesss casual clothes. i really need pants. i am getting fat. i need to work out more. it's that 2 week lag and it is killing me. start my new job on monday. that will be fun. okay... think i a even working in sd tues and wed, but not sure yet. oh well. laters.

magarita rocks 

at magarita rocks, where i went out with my friends on saturday night. this was out in PB. there were a bunch of skanky hoo girls. they were all lined up dancing. it was hilarious.

at mt. diablo 

this picture was taken during my trip up to the bay area during labor day weekend. sean and i went up to mt diablo. it was interesting but not a glorious water view. very nature like.

testing comments..

what to blog about today? hmmm... i woke up pretty early today cause i went to sleep super early. i banked about 10 hours of sleep. my tummy aches. i guess i need to poo. i hope i can get my haircut/trimmed today cause yesterday when i went my hairstylist had already gone home. =(

i really need a trim. i feel like my hair is dried out. i wanna do something drastic, but it most likely will not happen. just a simple touch up will do.

irvine, it's so depressing here. i need to get out. the more i become submerged into this society, the more depressed i become. i need a new environment and i think irvine has become expired. for the next month, i'll be travelling a lot and won't be home at all. so maybe after that, i'll grow to appreciate my habitat once again. i'll guess we'll see. also it may just be my inner niche that is bothering me. come to think of it.....is being a hermit so wrong? once again the balancing gaming is played. i know my balance do you? let us hope i do not forget.

i was contemplating about working out, but i shouldn't really push myself, so i am going to take it chill. day of rest. i'll work out tomorrow.

i was thinking about high school. are we really the person we were back then. maybe, maybe not. but i truly believe that sure i may have some attributes from back them, but overall, i am a completely changed person. i don't even remember who i was back then, but 5 years from now, can i say the same thing? i beleive we are constantly changing, even though, it is say that you can't change a person. sure that is true, but a person can be molded in many ways especially if they become effected by a force of unchangable energy.

life, what really is the meaning of life? why was i put on this earth. what is my purpose in life. why was i created. there are so many ways to answer that. it is our choice to choose that path. it is up to me to decide my purpose. as of right now, my purpose in life is to ....

bad gas. so conditioner. it works wonders. thank you!

i just hate it when i can't study. i am just staring at my book aimlessly. i need to concentrate. concentrate.

BEACHED WHALE. why me?

blog blog blog. so yesterday, i went to hollywood and etc with my dad and uncle.

the day started off with me waking up and taking my car in to get serviced. i was expecting a rental car cause that's what the person who i made the appointment with told me. but there was no rental car so i was pretty peeved. dumb ass wonderies toyota. i might never go there again. the day before i took my car in for an oil change cause i knew it needed one. so i take it in and they tell me that my transmission needs maintance and that i need new rear breaks, windshield wipers plus an ail filter. oh my gosh. there's needs to be a buyer beware sign. oh well, so i take it in cause i figure it is hitting the 100,000 mark soon, so why not. and so at the end of the say i came out with 558$ or service being done. thanks to my parents i have a car that is safe and runs efficiently. i love how it doesn't make that eeeeeee eeeeee sound when you are braking.

so in between all that i wait almost an hour for my dad to pick me up and then i go and work out to blow off some steam and fat. oh yeah....stupid greg....i want my rental car. short stubby man! okay, enough venting on that end. so my dad, uncle and i head off to the glendale galleria and shop. there was a stupid security guard that was like you can't take pictures, it's not allow. so you know what.....here's what i say to him........dumb ass i'll take whatever picture i like. and that is what i did. after that we went over to my mom's store and took a picture of her. i guess she wanted my uncle to see where she worked at. i met the store director. he seemed pretty nice. moving on, we head over to hollywood. first hitting up thai town.

we ate at kruang tedd. they were setting up their 10 year anniversary. usually i enjoy the pad thai there, but it just wasn't that good this time around. i was kinda sad. and the appetizer was last. it took forever to come and our waitress was pretty rude. she really didn't deserve the 15%-18% tip. so i don't know if i will go there again. however lunch was cheaper so that was a plus.

after, we head over to the thai dessert place. i never get disappointed there. they are always so nice. my dad liked it too, he wanted to try a bunch of stuff. it was cute. but i have to control him or else he'll buy the whole store. while waiting, i spoke with a gentleman that wondered what kasava was. my dad really loves it so he had to have some so i was attempting to explain what it was, but alas, i wasn't sure myself. but it is almost like sweet potato. so apparently, taht person taught i was on summer vacation. passing off as a high school graduate. passing off even as a college graduate/student. it is flattering to look so young. i really don't mind. i think i may have been older that him.

so then we headed off to the kodark theater/mann chinese theater. it was hot and touristy. there's was a masked of zorro who was like 'beautiful lady' can i take a picture with you. so i was like ok. then he was asking for tips. that is obsured. 1) you want to take a picture with me. 2) why do i have to tip you. 3) if anything you should tip me and not pout about it. 4) why don't you get a REAL job. JACKASS. I hate those kinds of people.

we finally ended the day with picking up my car.

okay, back to naruto.

oh yeah. i got a new job. i am excited. i didn't continue with my other one because i felt like i was getting chemical poisoning. health= more important than money. remember that!

at home in arcadia and chilling in my queen size bed while using my bros labtop. it is nice. but the thing with a labtop is that it can get hot. i don't particularly like that. but oh well. i plan to get a powerbook in the near future. other plans get an slr and also a new cell phone. see these are just technological advances that i would like to have. in addition, the current car of my choice is an m3 so perhaps i will begin to save up for that. but i am not sure yet.

so today was my last day at work. it was my first entry level job right outta college. i was there for about a year and 2 months. i am now moving on to something else. when it rains it pours. ramon was right cause i almost got 3 offers, really i had two really tough companies that made offeres to me. it was really just so hard. i wish i could have done both. phil gave me some good advice. he asked me....do you want to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond. i am glad i have made my decision. i can sleep better at nights. coming back to the road not taken. of course, we will never know. it is just something that we will have to take as it is.

i am fortunate to have such an experience that has instilled my confidence level to a new height. monday i open up another chapter in my life. let's hope it's a good one. cheers to that!

aside from my good fortune lately, i am sadden to say something unnecessary. overall, that company i worked for was great. great people. xcept for one individual. on my last day at work, this individual who we will call RR sends me an email. before i disclose the email let me begin with the story of how i met RR. one day i was walking along the hallways to inject to and from my cycles because at work i have to walk a lot from one sterilizer to another or from injection point to sterilizer. so i guess RR would see me around and one day i guess thinking that he refered to me as a pig in spanish but meant something else. i of course was oblivious to all this because when i am running two or three machines i am pretty busy because i have to focus on what needs to be taken care of. WORK FIRST OF COURSE. i don't have time to mess up or chit chat. so naturally, i am in constant motion. but of course i am always polite and smile.

so then another incident. i was in the lunch room taking a break and RR comes and speaks to me. telling me about an email he sent and something about a girls' behavior. so of course i listen cause i am a good listen. and once in a while i will make a comment when my opinion is asked. and thus. i give it. of course it is a reserved comment, because that's how i am. it is just how i was raised. i would rather be that than a whore. come to think of it this RR sometimes forwards racist email. next incident that i can remember is halloween where i asked him, so any plans for halloween cause it's polite to make small chat sometimes especially when you run across them in the halls. and he tells me oh he is going to be good and not whore around. and i was like okay. shouldn't have asked. you can now see why i don't make small chat sometimes. cause you just get info you don't need to know. i can only assume that i make him nervous; thus him saying things that he normally would not.

to continue on. another encounter was when i was about to put in a cycle. so i was in a bit of a rush and really did not have time to chit chat. and so RR goes i had a dream about you and i was like ...ok.....(thinking that it was very odd and inappropriate coming from him especially the way he brought it up). so he tells me that he couldn't sleep and busts out the taro cards. tells me there was something about my eyes that captivated him. (gross!!!!) really this isn't something that is appropriate for a work conversation. so he tells me that in the cards that he sees i am going on a trip, which i was and that i was unsure about it. i thought that was creepy cause it made him sound stalkerish. also he mentioned something about my baking, and yeah.. can you say STALKER. then he send me this email saying that he was going away cause he needs to find the bigger bucks and that he should stop talking to me. we don't even talk. really that is. psycho huh? so i was like, okay, politely send him a farewell email and wish him on his way.

oddly when i came back from my vacation he was still there. so i was suprised. he must have been really embarrassed. so i felt really awkward then cause well wouldn't you?

then two days ago, he gives me a cd and says i heard from the grapevine that you are leaving. and gives me a cd. and i was like ok. that was really odd. and i was like, what is this for. he says, i think you will like it. i think i know you're taste. i think not. i am not that easy to read. and says he will write an email tomorrow. and this is where i begin with the email bit that i thought was unnecessary. maybe i should post it on here. kinda too long though.

FIRST of the asshole RR begins by nicknaming me as a crazy cat. hello ass, i have a name. i hate it when people try to give me nicknames when they don't even know me. you don't have the right to be so friendly with me when you are not my friend. when you refer to me as a bitch. i will go on about that later on.

weird thing is how did he get my hotmail account address. it's cc to my hotmail and i don't know why. of course i never want him to use it. i don't want to receive dumb junkmail from him or email telling me how to change. cause ONE i do not need to change. and what right have you to tell me that. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. then RR goes on to say that i am dumb for choosing hotmail as my domain cause it is a public address and i am like...loser.......it's an email adress. don't judge me on email addresses. you are asking to be treated like scum when you say something like that to me.

then the weirdo RR comes up with these insinuation that he begged for my friendship. this is unheard of. continues to say especially and i quote ... "a thing for sure is that i never beg for friendship; specially from girls (I always had the enemy nearby) and I don't care if they are easy to the eyes or perhaps better looking, but i do care if they are cool. which is exactly my predicament and reason for this e-mail, because you are very, very nice when not in that f....bitchy mood. besides it was decided not to stop and talk to you just so to not let people gossip about it and make it a big deal out of it, with so many harrassment laws made by "meauuuu" politicians influences by ugly women it becomes an issue."


so what hell the is that suppose to mean. first of say it to my face and not hide behind an email. friendship...what friendship. i don't work with you. you just pass by my occassionally. what i can't walk around the office. i need to move from lab to lab to conduct my task. harrassment...you know what you have harrassed me. maybe i should report you. people like you don't deserve to be around people like me cause you just harrass us and make judgements that are not called for.

RR goes on to say that he wished he could have known me better and that he wished he could have guided me to what is right and wrong, etc. HELL NO. i don't want to learn anything from you. you are diseased because you have just insulted how my parents have raised me. RR you don't know me. you don't know about my life. my parents did a great job raising me and i am happy the way i turned out. i have morals unlike most kids these days. i know right from wrong. and i know i was a hell of a lot more discipline that your average teenager/college student. and you probably. i can't help it if i was raised in a nurturing environment. my parents worked hard to provide me with an environment that encouraged me to pursuit the best the i can be. and you calling me out for this? i think that is dispicable.

now he is being a hypocrite by saying that i don't need to change, but that i need to modify my personality. same thing asshole. i'll quote something RR said in bold and big lettered: "Do not ever change. Do instead modify the over layer(s) of your personality. I felt hurt and little;And if it wasn't for a female friend of mind that advised me and the accomplishments obtained at your young age which I respect, I would've spanked the bitch out of you."

if that wasn't sexually harrassment, then what is. comments please. okay i think i have written a lot. sorry if there are typos. the cursor likes to move around.

it has been a while. i am back, though i have not really gone anywhere. so a lot has happened lately. i quit my job and got a new one. i have been getting a lot of offers lately. it's nice. i went up north. that was nice too. i have lots to rant about but at the same time my writing is minimal cause i don't want to relieve too much. it's odd, these online journals only give you a glimpse of what i am thinking as oppose to a true journal. they are almost like clues. clues to what my mind is really thinking.

to be honest i am very reserved. i keep what i am thinking to myself and only say a little. though at times i can rant on and on. what does that mean? i don't know. i guess i am careful of others' feelings.

lately i have been down. why? perhaps cause it's the end of something i have been use to for the past year. or perhaps it is because i am entering something new. for the past year, i feel as though i have been in a state of limbo. in which there was litte stability in my life. now i have that stability, but still i am afraid of it. why? who knows. perhaps cause of the future. it is still unplanned. perhaps it is?

i hope that by next year i'll have all this figured out.

for time being i guess i'll just listen to this: transatlanticism

okay, i am beyond gaseous. I have killed myself 3 times. someone save me. gosh, what the hell did i eat?

i am so tired. so much to do but so lazy i am. see this is what is on my plate. i got my UCSF secondaries. then i got laundry, i gotta study. and i gotta pack. ROAR. in addition to all that i fell ROUND. like a beached whale. it's not helping at all. i really need to destress. i would usually go running, but i can't cause i got injured. i am feeling way better now though, but i have to give it a couple more days to heal. so instead i went to the pool today.

i am going to lay down now.

of interest:


You are Zhang Ziyi. you're free and wild. you like to have fun, whether it's flying in the air, picking fights, pretending to be a guy or kicking ass. you like to do it all. you also have an evil side which some ppl dislike. the only thing you've been really wanting to do is to shut chris tucker's annoying ass up! as he would say it, "you are one crazy bitch!"

ba ba ba ba. melody. i watch the patchwork fall, slow fade, to the ocean's arm, from here, can't see, can't taste, recycled air. i watch....come down......recycled air.

i watch the patchwork fall, slow fade to the ocean's arm, come down, release your arms.....

melody......i was waiting for a cross town train, when it struck me, waiting till birth like a movie, change my plan, rent a camera and a van ad cal you, pretend we are in love again, want so badly to believe truth in love real. am i like every word obsurd. melody...... i grace the lens frame using a friend as a stand, script called no rain, faked it. lockers snapped, crying on set. ACTION. kiss in a style clark gable mine. classic. badly believe love is real. am i like word...obsurd. wise beyond years, ever get fear? perfect person lie. tell self help, can't lie.

so yeah, the above proves that i can't keep up with songs. BOO! i am so DAMN full. oh, stuffed i am. so yeah, today i watched garden state. it was good. everyone should watch it. i'll definitely own that DVD. and i can't wait till scrubs comes out this week. hmm....yeah!

my ass is so sore. ouchie. i am sleepy, but not really. so i mananged to injure my knee/left leg. it is all warm right now and my cap moves. is that normal? i think it is getting better though cause yesterday it was pretty bad. it was all red and swollen. this morning it is cooling down. i may see the doctor again and have an x-ray done. the pain comes and goes. i don't know why. maybe going to work all those days was a bad idea. i am glad i am resting now though. i can't wait to be up and running. hopefully by tuesday. i have been sleeping on my back and it is killing me. i hate to sleep on me back.

i wanna watch garden state, it looks good. i am going to try to do that tomorrow. i also want to go to fat burger. haven't had a burger in a while. and lately, the food choice of the month has been curry. so yummy, but so high in sodium.

i am getting sleepy, i think i will go back to sleep.

so much on my mind, but so silent i am.

hi there blog. i am so tired. i am pretty much done with my arizona secondary. i just need my stinking SAT score. can you believe that. well anyways, i have to acquire that then i can send it off. after that one more secondary to go. today i sent out la's . nice to have that one done.

i made brownies today it was good.

okay, i am tired. just a short rant today.

so i am getting older. i already feel so old. gosh....where did my youth go?

i am so very tired and i need to nap. sigh. i need to get my secondary done. it has to be done tonight. i have but one section left and one that needs to be revised. i must send this out no later than friday. then two more secondaries and i am home free. i hope i get those done before friday too.

so i have been meaning to blog. but alas, i am always so tired. so here's what's going on. last week, on thursday, i checked out ROSCOE'S Chicken and Waffles. I read many raves about it, so i decided to check it out. it was pretty good there. but i must say, i don't think the reviews were all that accurate. i guess i just expected more from the waffles. i imagined it to be heaven. but they were still good, i just though there was something more special about them. the chicken was good too. nice and hot so you can still still the steam coming from it. ya gotta love that. their gravy and etc...delicious. so #2 for all you big eaters. and #13 for smaller portions. overall, I would go there again definitely. a con is that it is a bit pricey. it's no KFC i'll say.

moving on. i am now going to RANT about UCI disability services center. so my sis sprank her ankle. she's on crutches and the worst. thinking that uci had a service in which they drive you to class and pick you up, as which was the case when i use to go there. so i tell my sister about it and that way i don't have to drive 10 mins to UCI and pick her up to take her to class and then come back 1 hour and half later to pick her up. so we went there today to get that done and they (the UCI DISABLITY SERVICES) tell us that we don't do that anymore. I was outraged those stinking lazy ASSES. my goodness someone really needs to SUE them. sure they do other stuff like what....hmmm......interesting....I was so bitter. that chick in the front that was helping us was NO HUMANITARIAN. she was just a lazy ass. geez, get off your ass and help some people.

moving on. so i am bitter. i really need to get a job or something. i am all tired. oh yeah still recovering from my food poisioning on sunday. i still went to work on monday and tuesday. i think i am going to get sick soon. gosh, that will be horrible cause i can't do anything. okay gotta get back to secondaries. i NEED to finish this tonight.

so apparently i am:

Tenderheart Bear
You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.

Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

today was so exhausting.  i got up way early.  i am so tired now.  today i had an audition for the discovery channel.  tomorrow, i might go for a casting call for hell's kitchen.  not sure yet, but i might go during my lunch break. hehehe.  okay, well see.  time to rest. 

hi, i am in tokyo right now. i am so tired. it's monday night here. will be in japan till thursday. then it is manila. so i don't really like it in tokyo. life is too fast paced here and i really don't like cities. so i guess i can't ever live in SF if that is the case. so yeah. the plane ride on JAL was quite an experience. i would definitely fly with them again. i am on one of those asian tours. gosh i really wish i was more fluent in mandarin and wish i was more lingual. any i gotta go. later.

??? beached whale ???

beyond confused. I feel so fat, like i am insulated or something. blah. after saturday it's gonna be hitting the gym 6 times a week. i been so lazy.

booger booger booger.

my headache has somewhat subsided. this past weekend, I made my first 2-layer cake. it was devil's food cake with mocha frosting. It turned out pretty well. I brought it into work and praises all around so i was glad. It was my first time dabbling with mocha and it was well enjoyed. kudos. though presentation wasn't focus, it was still delightful. I can't wait to dabble in it some more. so today i took a practice PAT. it was a killer, my brain was about to explore. Gosh the stress is slowly rising. i am going to go insane. I would really just liked to be saved and enjoy like. Baking away. Imagine the new mixtures I could come up with. But alas, patience is a virtue.

tuesday, gosh it is tuesday already. it's like monday just flew by. anyways, i am studying, i am getting really into it. good thing, my test is less than 3 weeks away. so i really need to get my eyes checked too. so what i did this weekend. well, i went down to sd and chilled and got a lot of studying done. YEAH! so friday night, i saw TROY. it wasn't all that, that's all i have to say, okay, i have more to say. it was an interesting interpretation. if you haven't seen it, stop reading. i don't want to ruin it for you. so to continue on, I thought that the interpretation was interesting. i understand that it can't be just like the Iliad because well a movie can only be so long and this movie was pretty LONG. so it wasn't very accurate. it was mainly the story of Achilleus. it was pretty gory. it was interesting to see another interpretation of helen and how the gods didn't act on. i didn't like that one scene where paris clings onto hektor's ankle. but i liked some line and philosophy of the movie. how paris is a lover and that's why helen loves paris. how she would rather be with a man or love than war. and the comparison between hektor and paris. i personally don't like menelaos. agamemnon was really funny in one scene. you'll see him sinisterly laughing. i also realized that brad pitt has an ugly looking nose and that orlando bloom has really nice abs.

went to sushi deli on saturday. it wasn't bad. i had rolls without avocado. i liked it better that way. it didn't stuff me, and well that's the best feeling in the world. I would highly recommend the surise roll with no avocado. that was the best, i thought. then I made white chocolate, chocolate, walnut cookies. they turned out pretty well, but next time i am going to add less butter. see with more butter, it's nice, moist and chewy, but i felt that there was too much butter, so i am going to attempt to only use 3/4 and see what happens. i like it chewy, but i don't want it to be dry. still i am glad it was a crowd pleaser. neve realized how hard it was to make it from scratch. but that's my new thing now. this hobby of mine keeps me well occupied esp with studying at the same time. can't wait till i am all done, then i can experiment with different recipes.

sunday we had a bbq at casa de amigos. it was nice. a variety of food to please.

at work today, i told my coworker about sumo...yumm....no i can't wait to go.

okay, so maybe the pain the i am feeling on my left lower pelvic is a bad things. i'd say its been maybe since friday, making that like 2 days. what could it be from? did i bruise myself somehow and not know it? it pains me, and 2 advils didn't cure it. it is keeping me from studying, what to do? okay, i'll take a vioxx, that might help. stretching perhaps. off to bake. making oatmeal cookies. later gator. ohh maybe it's just GAS. oh that dreaded GAS. why me?

so now i am going to attempt to study. ch 3 here i go. so tired and sore. got a lunch a work tomorrow. glad, means i can come home and watch friends. hopefully all goes well.

been meaning to update, but haven't. friends is almost on so i am going to be watching that. can't wait to watch friends tomorrow, it's the last one. okay, i'll be back. who knows when.

EARTH DAY!!!!

oh yeah went to ikea and got these cocktail glasses. they were so COOL and CHEAP. can't wait to use them.

hi there. so i am in a fairly good mood. but it has been so hard to get up these days. i feel so tired and don't want to get outta bed. but i always do at around 10 or so. i know that is so late. but that's my schedule for you. so let's see this weekend i went rockclimbing at rockreation. it was pretty cool and i even belayed. my arms are still pretty sore but i'll manage. also had maggiano's this weekend. i introduced sean to it and he liked it. saw kill bill vol2 as well. didn't like it too much. just not my type of movie. had some onion rings and coldstone creamery; that was nice. especially the onion rings. ya gotta love them. along with donuts those are my weakness. so i am going to the supermarket today and the plan is to go to campus tomorrow to drop off my personal statement and ask virginia for a letter of rec. hopefully all goes well so i have to prep them things.

so many things to do, but first priority is get my DATS and application done with so i can just relax during my waiting time. that'll be nice with cable perhaps. okay, well off to study. must master my natural sciences.

time is money. why am i wasting all this time. i feel so old and like a failure. get my theme here.

going to tokyo and philippines in june. for 3 weeks. nice. just the break i needed.
which reminds i need look up that inn my boss was talking about.

FAILURE

i got up so early today with work at 7 and all. so i think the whole day, i was conciously walking around asleep, or at least looked liked it. so yeah, came home at 5. went to the gym. and when i was all done, it was raining really hard and thundering with lighting. it was so nice. i wanted it to thunder even harder and rain even harder. i haven't walked in the rain in so long, so it was nice. i think that was the best part of my day. aside from that, today was not a good day at all. i annoyed and moody. the whole day i was bitching to my coworkers. on a sidenote went to TAIKO for lunch. it was alright. the waitress was puchy and mean though, trying to be nicer at the end of our meal. anyways, i better shut up now before i get really pissed, i need to calm down before i raise my blood pressure.

blog blog blog. gosh it's sunday. not an ordinary sunday. i am all tired and wouldn't mind just going to sleep, but i wanna study some some. so this is how my day went. woke up at 9 am. i was like, it's sunday i should just sleep in. but no, i woke. went to work out. came back showered and went to work. counted 5 titers, mucho unpleasant. that's like 120 plates. okay, so i did that for 4-5 hours. then i came home. had some cereal. i was really hungry cause my i felt my abdominals pounching. okay, went to get my haircut. i really like it. :) although when cece was cutting it i was like hmm...that looks like a lot of hair. but it wasn't really. i got rounded layers or so. it's nice. my hair is really straight. after that, i went to in n out and got my sis some food and had some frenchies myself. it's been a while. then came home and made myself dinner. makeing salmon is so fast. it only took 20 minutes on broil. it was very simple, just the way i like it and to close with my buko pie (YUM!)

so for the rest of the night, the plan is to study and finish the QR section. upcoming events....VAREKAI and VEGAS. gosh, i gotta plan two sets of packing, ARGHHHH. okay....i am excited about vegas....

i am so blepping bored. so i finished another chapter. got 3 more to go, so hopefully i get that done tomorrow.
i want to get it done before i go on my mini vacation. i am feeling stress. i just want to SCREAM. i have work tomorrow. ugh....i know it won't talk long, but who knows. gosh, i am such a brat and a complainer. i just want to break something and scream. so yeah, today, didn't do much cause flow kept me in.

how my day went.....woke up early cause i had to take sean to the airport. so the night before, sophia, sean and i go to seaside donuts. the crossaints weren't up to par thatday. the last time i went they were huge. it was partial my fault though cause i was rude to the dude. i felt bad, but i was so caught off guard. i mean serious to defend myself this is how it went. keeping in mind that in that area on a friday night you get all these wacko drunk people. DRUNK people can be annoying. so seeing as how i was with my little sister....i didn't want to expose her to any....well you....so this dude was outside seaside donuts smoking and as i was entering the establishment, he asks, can you give me a minute and i said NO. okay that was a bit mean. but what went through my mind was.....hmm...when he opened his mouth i thought he was going to ask me for money. which didn't happen. so yeah, i was like, why would he ask me for a minute. it so didn't make sense. i mean really, i was just put on the spot. so yeah...y? okay, usually i would be repremanded for giving a bum money, but i do it anyways. i am a sap. so yeah....we get in and it turns out he's the so-called cashier. well was i embarrassed and i put two and two together. so yeah it was awkard beyong believe and i felt bad. tried to justify myself, but whatever. just at the wrong place and the wrong time. so yeah.....whatever.

for the record i can be a mean person, but i think it's justifiable because i think i am a pretty good judge of character, so i go by my instincts. meaning that if i don't like you, i will not want to talk to you, or my orientation will be different, depending on my mood. usually, i try to express it so you won't bother me. anyways, whatever.

i better go to bed soon, big day tomorrow. wake up at 9, work out, go to work, get a hair cut, make dinner. i hope it all fits into my schedule. then study.....might have to cut a few things. so yeah, i am making me some salmon and going to surprise my coworker with some chocolate covered strawberries that i know she has been dying for me to bring in. it's her birthday anyways.

adios.

went to sumo's on friday -- thanks charles.

got my rag on friday --- having a killer saturday.

got work tomorrow. need to study. need to shop. need to get over this rag.

all i want to do it roll around. bloody hell.

i've got the munchies. i should just go to sleep. so yeah topics to look forward to...gas with humans and cars.

so today was quite flattering. as i was walking back from the gym, this guy who was sitting in his truck, probably taking a break spotted me from his side view mirror and as i was approaching he turned and said, " has anyone ever told you that you look really cute?" I was shocked, yet flattered. bare in mind, i had just come back from the gym, all sweaty and etc. so that was a nice way to start out my day.

i got another chapter done today so that was nice. and also my cycle is all messed up. when i was doing my cardio today, i was feeling some massive cramps and was about to cut it short, but it subsided so i got to finish my cardio. debating on whether i should do cardio again tomorrow, i really shouldn't cause i need to relax my muscle. maybe i'll do pilates instead. we'll see. i'm an addict, only if that's how i was with studying.

okay so here's the thing about gas. i filled up today and like wow, whenever i fill up, my car just feels so much more powerful. it's nice. but weary at the same time. now HUMANS on the other hand have the completely opposite effect. when we have GAS in us, it's such a pain. we feel big and bloated and like a beached whale. no energy at all, just a lot of horrible unpleasant gas. today i feel less beached so that is nice. gosh my lower back has been acting up lately. maybe i shouldn't go for that run. guess i shall see how i feel in the morning.

so i was looking at haistyles....i was thinking i get something along the lines of a cross between kristen davis, lucy liu, and tara reid. i am really cautious about the whole layers all around though. i don't know if i would actually like that. hmmm..... okay... hopefully i get another chapter done tomorrow. and so on. i guess i'll get on that now.

BUT, ever notice that going online just wasn't ass BAM as before. you know....now a days, all i do is check email...look at a couple of sites. chat a while. then blah.. so is online worth all that we pay for? hmmmm.....good question....so why do we choose to use it. i know these days, it's also an essential. but still...i think it is limited. or is it?

okay, i'll stop. ta ta.

is this really me?


Which Disney Princess are you?

i have out done myself once again. for the past two weeks, i have had a habit of eating cereal, at least 3 servings, with no milk. i feel myself expanding. or something. it's fat day. i hate it. i am two weeks into my cycle and i feel like a beached whale. somebody help me. so yeah. i can't wait for debloatation to start. i felt like such a piggy today. the consequences about being a girl. not to mention all the gas that is in me. i mean really. it's like a wham bam....kicking me when i am down.

so i get home from work and did my pilates. decided not to run cause my back was somewhat aching. and the fact that i'll be running tomorrow and the next four day. i might take a rest though. trying to minimize.....we'll see.

so i should be gettting another chapter done in my review book and i think i am going to postpone my dats, 2 weeks later. and gosh... my lower back is bothering me a bit. hmmmm....maybe a nice hot shower will cure it. perhaps, i am already so tired. and also.....a tip. KASHI Puffed.....bad idea. it's too dry....too much like a rice cracker. i can't imagine having it with milk. still have to try it. so sad....i wanted to the GOLEAN crunch but they were sold out. maybe that puffed will go well in my yogurt. wow...i can feel a muscle in my back as i type. too bad i can only feel it on my left side. it is very odd. it is almost pulsing like my heartbeat. perhaps, an increase in metabolism or something.

so i want to get a haircut, i but i still have no clue as what to do with it. i can't wait till the weekend comes cause i can just study. no distractions. i have it planned. i'll take sean to the airport then go to the gym, shower, eat, and study the whole day. and then do the same on sunday. i really hope i get a lot done cause i am taking a mini vacation.

i really should get going now. looking at my calendar and seeing what i have to tend to.

i feel like puking. my stomach has been so uneasy. arrghhh..... gosh, my plan to study in the morning hasn't been working out. and well at least i got a chapter done last night. okay, time to get ready for work soon.

so i have the heart of a.....


Heart of Crystal


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

why can't we spell some word but we can say them? i hurt...ouchie. i got the munchies, i ate a lot today. booo....damn....it always catches up with me on wednesday. i tried using TheraBand. i am sore. i hurt. it works i guess. so i been meaning to blog lately, but internet has been driving me crazy.

i am taking a study break. i am really trying to get this G-chem down. it's not even the hard stuff but i gotta know this stuff like the back of my hand.

so i have been given the opportunity to work 1st shift. there's the pay differentiation with is not pleasing me, but i just might switch back. it might be better for me.....or would it. i hate making decisions. okay enough chit chat. i hate how my life is so unstable and uncertain right now. i will i had granted stability. sure i don't live from paycheck to paycheck like some people, but i will i knew where i was going to i can make some real decision.

i just can't stand those people and their toilet paper.

yesterday i had plenty to blog about. sadly my internet was acting up. hence --> no rants. so today.....tuesday...tuesdays always suck cause they are the longest most boring day ever. why? let me tell you why. because it is that one day of the week where it's not monday when you go back to work from the weekend and it's not the hump, which is wednesday. so tuesdays suck cause it's that in-between limbo day. i am doing laundry right about now. and tomorrow is my day of rest so i can stay up later than usually.

i wish i was back on regular schedule cause yeah i am sorta getting tired of 2nd shift. i mean it has it's advantages, but i want days again. for example, i am going to see varakai on the 24th. so it would be nice to work, then go. but yeah, taking that day off is much nicer. so that is what i am probably going to do.

i attempted to make a study schedule. but it is really sucking it. so i'll attempt again. but boo....i really have no motivation to study. i think it's cause i think i will do super well. but i really must. gosh.

it's been raining lately, it's so nice. i am loving it. but i really want to just stay at home and chill and just absorb the rainy environment. i haven't yet done so and it's sad. it's all i really want to do.

today's is my mom's birthday. we are going to celebrate it along with my dad's. still don't know what to get them. i think i might get them an ice cream cake instead of our usual from cathy's. hmmm....that reminds me, i better redeem my cashback thing.

okay, i really should study.

hahaha. i just shat. hahhaa. okay, enough glorifying about that. so i started my day off at 8:30 AM in an attempt to FINALLY get my passport done with. this is the 2nd attempt by the way. but i guess that it wasn't meant to be. I WAS SO ANNOYED cause i didn't have my license. so now i have to go next week. ARGGGGH.

i worked out, i doubled up, so pleasant. had some breakfast. i made my self an omelette using PAM, so not a good idea. it was so plain. BOOO. i should have just used the REAL STUFF. oh well, maybe next time. but now i have all this PAM.

went to work. on my break. keri and i went to urban outfitters and there i had a great find. i got this niffy shirt and i LOVE it. it's so retro!!!!. yet junky!!! you gotta LOVE it. i can't wait to sport it around like a BUM.

came home and made another attempt to make sound tasty walnuts. ATTEMPT #1: pam with brown sugar coating --> FAILED.

ATTEMPT #2: microwaved some brown sugar with water and marinated the walnuts in it and baked -->SUCCESS!!!!!

well....that's it for now. waiting for sophia so i can head to arcadia. it is becoming tiresome.

hello. so it's wednesday night...this is what i did. i did OT at work. and came home and ended up watching tv for hours on end and ended up snacking. when i had only planned to grab a snack and read sean's xanga site. 2 or more hours later, i was still downstairs- drawn to the tv. dumb new antenna with my 4 limited channels. oh so bad. i had the munchies and kept on munching. oh so bad for me. oh so bad. i feel like a beached whale. i feel chubby. oh so chubby. it must be my lack of .... i will double up tomorrow or try to.

so tomorrow, i will plan to go to the post office again to get my passport stuff in order. i should go to sleep now, since i want to wake up early and beat out all them people at the line. then do my workout and go to work. bye.

wait. need to take care of bills, and etc. maybe i will stay up. it's raining, i love it. wish there was someone here to share it with me. ohh well.

so apparently this is me: the Priss

i am so tired and will probably go to sleep soon. my back aches, ouch...again. i'm sure it will be gone by morning though. i really gotta get cracking on that studying. my DATs are just around the corner. okay, time to go.

i am tired and will probably go to sleep soon. so let's see, sean came up this weekend. it was nice. especially since it was a threee day weekend. let's see...what did we do friday night? thinking...thinking......so yeah....on valentine's day, which is a hallmark holiday, we started our day by going to the farmer's market over at the university marketplace. it was nice to walk around and see all the food and fruits and nuts. and i just love going to those things. i got some walnuts, yummm!!! the funniest thing happened. sean was going to buy these walnuts for me, and some garlic pistacios and banana chips and when he pulled out his wallet to pay for it, it was cashless. it was so 'classic.' i thought it was really funny. hehe. then we got some sandwiches at le diplomat. i hadn't been there for a while so i decided to try something new. i ordered the brocolli chicken mushroom. it was pretty good cause the brocolli and mushroom were steamed. those are my two vices, but i had a hinkering for them that day. i didn't have it with ranch and i had the garlic sauce on the side. 'on the side' --that too is so classic. when harry met sally.

after our meal, we went to trader's joe. i love going to supermarkets. i love walking around and looking at all the goodies. i got my groceries for the week and we discovered this awesome pizza dough. it was so cool. later we went to costco. that was fun too. and we even went to a supermarket. too bad it was ralphs. but oh well. it was still fun.

so then, i attempted to make chocolate covered strawberries for sean to surprise him, but it was more complicated than i thought. so listen up, here are some important tips. orginally, i was going to use some ghiradelli chocolate. so i melted that, but it didn't melt too well, so i though, i'd add some grand marnier to help it melt, but it just wouldn't. so i scratched that. wasted chocolate, so sad. then i went out to get some but the store i had in mind was closed. luckily, i forgot that i had some laying around. i was saved. so on to attempt #2. i melted 1 cup of chocolates morsels successfully. and then added the liquor....that is when i realized that was a BAD idea. you so can't add liquor with chocolate cause it hardens it quickly and well that was so wasted. so sad. i thought i was screwed, but fortunately i had enough to make 5 strawberries. SAVED. all in all, it worked out.

Sean made the best veggie pizza ever. it was so yummy. he had the toughest time rolling out the dough with our lack of flour. but it all paid off cause the smell was delicious and the taste was oh so yummy.

on sunday, we went to arcadia to pick up my baby sis. we had a lovely meal there with my parents and i got to take some more lute back to my pad. hehehe.

today, we finally saw donnie darko. eh...i didn't think the movie was all that. overall, i didn't really like it. so to make this more lively, we saw 50 first dates. it was a date movie, but i thought it was just okay, it was cute, but i would probably never want to watch it again.

alrighties, i am pretty tired, so i think i am just going to hit the hay. i am so happy, it's almost or is it tuesday? it's nice, short week. yuppie. score!

i am oh so bored, bored, bored. today is thursday and i am waiting for my sister so that i could head back to arcadia. i saw friends today, i think there are 5 left and that is the first of the last season that i have seen. today is friday the 13th. i am glad it is friday. i can't wait cause i get a 3 day weekend. it's nice to get a day off. too bad i don't get compensated for it. but oh well.

lately, i have been job searching. it is quite tiresome. so i am going to take a break from it all and now just concentrate on my DATs which i will be taking in may. YES, i finally set a date. so yeah, pray for me.

a lot has been troubling me lately, so i have i am just thinking too much into it. so i think that ive decided to just stay in irvine because moving is such a pain. okay, i am not in a chit chatty mood. ta ta.

so it's monday and off to another new week. still in my depressed mode and haven't snapped out of it. i find myself thinking a lot these days. about life and the people around and usually sad thoughts come to mind. i been edgy lately and went down to sand diego this past weekend to take the edge off. but alas, it still surfaces. so is it irvine, or is it something else. it is probably because i am in "transition." that is the absolute worst because you are not in school and not in a career. it sucks. it's making me quite the devil's cousin.

so my weekend..... i worked....then, headed off to sd. i watch anger management. the whole time you are hating on buggy, but in the end it pans out. i liked it. marisa tomeo has such charm. okay, then later, we hit up this party over at alex's which akei was throwing. don't really know him, but most of my friends lived there, so we checked it out. i had some interesting corn tortillas there. which were i believe marinated in beef and beer. i must admit, it was quite tasty.

so yeah, of course people drank, not me, cause yeah...i don't do beer. but also cause i think i am at the...tried it...did it....over it. i mean, i will occassionally.....but that's it.

while i was down there, we also celebrated greg's birthday. and when i got back home, i found out it was also my housemate's birthday. he's so nice and polite.

well i am tired, so i think i will just clean up and hit the sack. have an early day tomorrow....BOOO

it's raining outside. it's so nice. i love the rain especially when i am indoors. so yeah, here goes, i started my day out earlier than usual. i think it is because i went to sleep so early. so i went for my run, but towards the ends, i got cramps, so i couldn't cool down. but after a while, i finished up my sets, so i am happy about that. i did some job searching before work and applied to a couple. so we'll see what comes of it. still debating on the "move." so far it is in favor or irvine. but i have made some decisions and i'll see how it pans out at the end of the week. i am less stressed so that is good. i made my dinner which was okay, it needed raisins and walnuts. i had a sandwich and salad. complete veg meal.

so i got to work and gosh, arnold is so freaking annoying. he has gotten on my nerves and i just can't simply stand him. so i brought him the red envelope catalog, but that ungrateful rat. gosh, you can look it up online too. it's not that hard. okay well anyways, what really urked me about him was how he needs "us" to inject for him. but can't he realize that we are busy too. I was busy doing my stuff and i am on "timer" so hello? the whole world doesn't revolve around you. i'll help you when i can, but don't complain to me when i have my own obligations to take care off. i am serious sick and tired of your bashing. bash to yourself.

that's today's rant. okay, on wednesday, i am picking up my diploma and maybe getting a trim. and also catching some breakfast with my sister. she's going to get a drastic cut. yeah.....okay...

the verdict...still pending....still thinking.....

choices? why are they so hard to make? so right now, i think i have hit a crossing point in my life. I have to make a decision. I hate decisions. life sucks. everything sucks. i should just go to sleep so i can stop ranting. i have the option to move back to arcadia, but i think perhaps that is not the right thing for me to do. i really either need to find a career or go back to school. i think that to be successful and be happy, i must take the plung and go back to school and finally persue my career as a pediatric dentist. after much thought and consideration, i think this is the path i was meant to take. so i must now really concentrate and kick ass on my DATs. so for the next few months that is what my life will be devoted to. Where shall i be doing this studying? should i go home to arcadia and start saving money or live it up in irvine. hmmm....i figure if i am going to imprision myself in school, i might as well live it up now, when i still can. so for the next year or two, i will just find a job and then off to dental school i go. so have i made the choice to stay in irvine. perhaps.

living at home would be nice, but are the cons greater than the pros. is money more important than sanity?

so i am bored again, but not so much, i am more hungry and all of a sudden i have this urge to listen to this one song, but i don't know what it is called. great......let me think, give me a minute or two. it's remy zero - shattered. i found it, now i gotta download a better version. pause....doing that now. what brought all this on, well i was listening to the lost in translation soundtrack, thanks to keri. and one of the songs, just reminded me of shattered.

so today, i did the usual, work up did my exercise thing, but man, my arms are all fat, i need to sculp these babies, but how? then i headed off to work. the day went okay, but man...i almost got peroxide in my eye, no thanks to EVIL arnold. he's really most annoying.

came home, and well, i do have stuff to do, but i just don't feel like doing it. so yeah, still putting it off. maybe i'll actually take my passport photo this weekend so i can finally get that done with. i can't wait till march, also can't wait to go to work tomorrow cause boy do i have news. so i am going home tomorrow, i can't wait to get my toron. yummy. and maybe some buko pie. yeah i am so hungry, but it is all late, so i'll wait tomorrow. it's a cracker day. gosh, i am all bloated and beached whale like, but i don't really mind. usually i would bite someone's head off, but i am feeling good today.

okay, i better start packing. i really need to start studying, maybe when i get back this weekend i will be more motivated too. we shall. it's been a good week, yeah. nice and fast, just the way i like it.

oh my god, i am so utterly bored. so BORED! there are things that i could do, such as organize or study, but right now i am not in the mood for that. i could upload pictures and whatnot, but alas, i am not in the mood. there's actual a lot on my plate right now, but i am just putting it off. i am pmsing probably, that is why i don't want to do anything.

so here i am blogging. this past weekend, i celebrated sean's 23rd birthday. he's so old. so i planned to surprise him by taking him to LIPS which is this drag show place in between Hillcrest and Gaslamp. It was really fun and the food lived up to the expectations i had for it. This time I had the cashetta which is the sauteed salmon. It was DELICIOUS. i would definitely go there again. after that we went to PB Bar and Grill. That was such a dud. Interestingly when I was catching up with the girls, two random guys approached us. This did not please our men, so they came to the "rescue." i'll leave it at that.

so lately, work hasn't been going well for me. i am being so klutzy. yeah, i really got to slow it down or something. so i hope tomorrow is a better day.

Moby. listen to it. you can't go wrong with it.

Yesterday I went on a date with my sister. We saw win a date with tad hamilton. yeah, ywah, ywah, i know, chessy...but i was really in the mood to watch a chick flick. even though the ending was so chessy i still liked it. I like the soundtrack too, it changed my impression on john mayer. i thought it was a sweet movie. i liked it. before that, my sister and i raced to get some crepes at crepes de paris. I want to own that place some day. I tried a new crepe, it was D'anjou (the pear one). I liked it. I also tried the Normandie, but it was too cinnamoni for me. but my sister really liked it.

i recently found out that the guest house at my home is vacant and my parents have offered it to me and i am considering it heavily because of all the money i could be saving. so i am probably going to move back to arcadia in a month's time. it's time that i moved out of irvine because just recently i said to myself that i need to get out of irvine. I am still in consideration, but it's mostly going to be a yes. rent is expensive. the down side is commuting to work, but i will probably look for something more local, but not yet as of now. the other down side is being SO CLOSE to home. can i handle it? can they handle me?
so maybe i will just try it out. i need to save money and i think that is going to be my deciding factor.

lately, i have been having these horrible rib pains. why? maybe i should get it checked. I am so use to living alone. I am a very private person, and like to be left alone. can i compromise that? am i really just over-reacting. i tend to do that alot. I am such a thinker, i really need to take a break.

valentine's day is coming up. i can't wait. sean is going to take me out? i wonder where. i am excited. well, i feel somewhat better. you just need to blog once in a while and listen to some amethysium.

gosh, i had such a bad day at work today. the machine cancelled twice. it's the biggest pain cause we are running prescreen and so much work when it does cancel. tomorrow won't be so bad though so that's refreshing.

this weekend was pretty chill, sean came to visit me and so did ruby and jason so that was nice. i wasn't bored at all. thanks guys. we had crepes and went to mitsuwa. it's become a ritual thing. oh yeah sean. my forearms hurt. keyboard = bad.

i saw along came polly and lost in translation. ACP was entertaining, it's one of those kick back movies. LIT was also refreshing because it has made me realize that movies can be plain and not over hyped. though i think i am not art-sy enough to truly appreciate the specs of it. i must say that bill murray was pretty good in it. it also made me want to go to japan.

i should be getting to bed soon, i realize how much stuff i have to do in the next couple of days.

ahhhh....must stress less. breathe.......breathing.... anyways, i am going to blog more, at least try that is.

well, gotta prep for tomorrow.

yeah, so it's been a while since i've written in here. just lately, it's been so exhausting. basically, i am too exhausted to rant. even though i am constantly bored, i am still not bored enough to blog. but today, i shall.

so what's new with me? well, it's a new year. still working. this past weekend, Ruby and Cindy came to visit me in irvine. that was nice. we went to mitsuwa, south coast and the spectrum. i had tea station for the first time. it was interesting. i must say, the green tea was refreshing. what else?

so i ordered stuff from banana and red envelope. yup, i am so not a banana person. but i will say, i got some nice gloves out of it. i like! so i really want this box, the red gift box from red envelope, so i got it, but it was disappointing. still sorta cool though. and i tied the bow. YEAH!

okay, i gotta jet, maybe i'll be back or not. i'll try.