she's back. she brightens my day.  

i am digesting. the orange made me so full. i wake up pretty early... around 6ish to get to work by 7. i use to work nights. i kinda liked that better. even though i woke up at 9, i felt like i was more rested that way. i have it pretty good. but not so. i think about the future and am not really living the now. i find myself thinking a lot of late.

i need to be more motivated and just stick with one thing. i find pharmacy being a possible answer to all my anticipation. yet at the same time, i would only do it because it is what is expected of me. honestly, i don't know what to do with my life. i want to have it made. but don't we all. what do i want in life. the answer is love. but that's just hinders me from what i really need to concentrate on. it is my escape, aside from tv. but i need it, i crave it, don't we all? it depressed me that i am not grounded yet. yet, i am. yet, i am so young and have vast oppportunites ahead of me. i once spoke to a stranger about how the age i(we) are give us too many choices that is just so hard to stick to one career. it scares me to think that i will want to move one in so many years. it is a great opportunity. but still. people are different. so stick with one thing. others move from one field to the other.

i've had 3 jobs this year. what does that say about me? i am at my current job right now, fairly new, but getting there. there's an xmas party coming up at work. i will attend that. i wish i could just be an open book, but i can't.

i've got so many random thoughts that i am going crazy. i really need to just slow things down before i go beserk. i better get back to my reading. i need a vacation, but that's just a short solution to what i really need to get done. if i could do one thing over in my life, i would go straight to dental school. would i been more satisfied? i dunno. i am happy with my life now, but i am unsatisfied. i am never pleased, but i adapt. is that good? maybe it is my way of survival. okay, the rants end here.

i think i will be fine by next week. let's hope. even though i have expressed so much, i know the people that read this must be so confused and have no clue as to what i am saying. don't worry, it's just my way of keeping peace within me.

on a sidenote, i was working out today as usually and when i was there was this guy out at the jacuzzi and i noticed him noticing me. but i never pay attention to them cause i don't care too much for it. later, this lady, his boss comes in passing through and say, there's a guy out there, he works for me and he thinks that you are "very very attractive." go on out there if you are interested. that was flattering, of course.