can't sleep......so now i know how phil feels. perhaps lack of sleep is a result of anticipation and anger? yeah?

okay.....i feel somewhat stressed. i really have so much to do and think about but can't help but just blow it off. i mean seriously....sometimes i feel like i need to get on track. its so odd cause a year ago i felt like i was in limbo. and not to long ago i was comfy and felt like i had accomplished something. but now i am retracting back to limbo. quite sucky. i feel like i need my life to just settle down and stop riding on this roller coaster.

i have goals, but the wheels aren't turning for them. i don't exactly know what i want to do with my life and i am tire of a quick fix. i have ideas but that's just it...there are so many of them that it really gets me dizzy.

it's already may and still i feel like time is going 10 times to fast.

life is so complicated. i make it sound so simply but sometimes i wonder if it is all just a lie. i don't want to sound negative but if i was always positive then i wouldn't be balanced now would i?

i need to really prioritize my life. i need to make investments that will pay off. but i am afraid taking risk. that's why sometimes its just so great to read a book and get lost in it.

i think i am a very patience person, but lately......i haven't been practicing it. i need to rework that.

something a bit deeper......death.......i am curious what is life after death. since i am of a religious nature.....i am taught to see life after death as joining jesus in his world. and yes i do believe in that. so why am i curious about death. probably because i am human and will sin because of the incident at the garden of eden. yes......some progress. it really helps to think and type outloud sometime.

so yeah.....i think as of now i am going to keep that chair and today i am going to checkout some powerbooks and ipods.

ciao for now bella