can't sleep......so now i know how phil feels. perhaps lack of sleep is a result of anticipation and anger? yeah?

okay.....i feel somewhat stressed. i really have so much to do and think about but can't help but just blow it off. i mean seriously....sometimes i feel like i need to get on track. its so odd cause a year ago i felt like i was in limbo. and not to long ago i was comfy and felt like i had accomplished something. but now i am retracting back to limbo. quite sucky. i feel like i need my life to just settle down and stop riding on this roller coaster.

i have goals, but the wheels aren't turning for them. i don't exactly know what i want to do with my life and i am tire of a quick fix. i have ideas but that's just it...there are so many of them that it really gets me dizzy.

it's already may and still i feel like time is going 10 times to fast.

life is so complicated. i make it sound so simply but sometimes i wonder if it is all just a lie. i don't want to sound negative but if i was always positive then i wouldn't be balanced now would i?

i need to really prioritize my life. i need to make investments that will pay off. but i am afraid taking risk. that's why sometimes its just so great to read a book and get lost in it.

i think i am a very patience person, but lately......i haven't been practicing it. i need to rework that.

something a bit deeper......death.......i am curious what is life after death. since i am of a religious nature.....i am taught to see life after death as joining jesus in his world. and yes i do believe in that. so why am i curious about death. probably because i am human and will sin because of the incident at the garden of eden. yes......some progress. it really helps to think and type outloud sometime.

so yeah.....i think as of now i am going to keep that chair and today i am going to checkout some powerbooks and ipods.

ciao for now bella

on my walk back from the gym, i discovered this to my dismay. 


it is so HUGE! 

so isn't that like a really huge vehicle. how does one get in and out of it? doesn't seem to pratical to me. it's definitely has presence. but man...how many lanes does it take up. i was so surprise to see it on my street. i was really WOWED by it.

so i bought an armchair......so many other things i could have bought instead of it, like a camera, an ipod photo, a labtop......hmmmmm...... oh well, i'll get those in due time. i am going to enjoy my new buy. it's comfy....i can't wait. i wonder if it is too big....hmmmm.....

so yesterday i donated blood. it was a spur of the moment choice. however, i thought about it earlier that week. so i had just finished my work and decided to go check it out and decided why not? i headed there and was just about to walk away, but i turned back. so i was quite antsy......but i did it. the lady was nice. the iron test was pretty painful. i had just passed the iron test. a second more and they would have rejected me. so it took me like 10-15 mins, but i wish they had taken the needle away cause after a while it started to hurt. it was my first time. and it wasn't so bad.

now i am in san diego. just had breakfast from le peeps. it was okay. i am getting really particular when it comes to food. cause the belgium waffle was just okay. last night i had sushi and that was just okay too. hmmm.....what to do now? i think i may just catch up on my anime.

a thought.....you don't really know someone. you may think you do....but in reality.....you never really know them....i mean really know them. i can honestly say that no one really know who i am. they only know a part of me. why is that? i think that's true for everyone though. we have mutiple worlds and when they collide is it confusion or something else?

with or without you?

everlasting dream.......

another day.....oh so ROUND. i feel oh so ROUND. blasted. i just showered and i would feel refreshed, but i just feel FAT. i am quite sleepy....that's what the shower does to me. oh the screen is begining to look blurry......so i shall leave you with this thought.....that is......at least for now.....GALAXY QUEST.

SO TIRED....i was at work until FOREVER. literally. the only good part was that i got to catch up with the boys. its funny cause at the begining of the day it doesn't seem like much, but things don't always go as planned. oh well. came home and detoured for some candy and made cookies. kinda disappointing cause they didn't turn out as i had hoped. however the two BIG cookies i made were a smash.

oh yeah, finally made that strawberry malt of mine. it was DELICIOUS. okie dokie. bedtime.

What a horrible Tuesday! so here goes the inevitable. my day starts out pretty RAW. i get up and get ready for work. i head out the door. on my drive, i start to feel my allergy attacks. it gives me the chills thinking about it. so i get to work, and i feel itchy all over. I was DYING. i really couldn't move. i was going insane. i hate it when the weather changes. it absolutely KILLS me. so i pop a claritin. i went home to take a cold shower. that helped. however, my drive back was killing me. i bet ya people were thinking...'what the hell is wrong with her'. so i made it home. and after my cold shower.....i put all this numbing stuff on. i was about to call in sick, but i forced myself to go back to work. it was painful, but i hung in there. i made it through the day, the claritin worked wonders and all that numbing stuff i applied.

at work, the day was mediocre. however, jorge struck again. the day before i had made a request for a personal day. it's personal, what right does one have over my personal day. it is allowed and what authority does one have a say in it. I HATE PEOPLE trying to MONOPOLIZE my time. I feel they do not have the right. I am not down with ALL THIS BULL SHIT. My TIME is my time, and if i choose to sit on my ass and do nothing, i will do that. today, i have gained a new perspective. i have new eyes on and a new outlook. so here's the thing, no one has the right to tell me what health practioner to see. cause one, hey, jackass, it's my body and blood not yours. if i want to go there, then i will. you should not question something like that. it is my CHOICE, or am i not to have one of those. thanks for your opinion, but NO THANKS. you really know a way to ruin some pleasures that WE have in life. but hey, just remember who works for you. ya that's right....

another thing....you should learn to respect other people's feelings. how do you expect people to work for you if you do not treat them like people. that's right, like people. we are not robots. and another thing, RELAX, take a chill pill. cause you know what...you don't set too good an example. how do you expect to shine is no one respects you. cause you know what, i bet there are plenty of people who aren't too fond of you. and you know what....i getting there. i try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but you're really testing that. so much more to RANT about, but i am trying to keep it civil. haven't you learned from you previous experience?

i understand where you are coming from, in some twisted way, i just don't agree with you. but as always, you WIN and that is not fair. but, i will take a stand with LUCAS and one day.......


so i cleaned today, but my desk is still a mess and i still have to organize some crap. i am such a rat pack, i gotta just throw eveything away. worked out, made dinner. doing laundry. feel pretty productive. off i go to fold clothes.

so everyone, guess what? I am moving. i have finally decided to MOVE. move away from my bubble. i am moving to the bay area. i was recently offered a position and i have decided to accept. it'll be good. a new change of environment for me. it will do me some good. perhaps i will mature even more. anyways, going to head out soon. so wish me luck. thanks!!!!!!

so today at work....it was fun. yesterday bryan brought donuts. they were so DELICIOUS. it so hit the spot. but being a PIGGY. i had 3 donuts. so alas, i worked out for an hour to burn it off. i was like, okay, 1 donut to go. just a little bit more. but yeah, to my point, so the empty box was left there.....to my delight i took this opportunity to trick some people. on the outside of the box, i wrote "DONUTS! YUM! look insde" and inside, i left a post-it note saying, "haha...aprils fools!" that was so evil of me, but it was a delight. hehehehe. one of the many highlights of my day.

p.s. you've just been fooled. haha.....april fools.