it's fall and gosh so many memories struck me suddenly. it didn't hit me until now, but now i understand. isn't it strange. lately i have been questioning myself. wondering what is this feeling coming over me and then all of a sudden, the answer hit me. i am so glad. i don't know what it is about life, but it just has its way. i know i am an ambigious person, but what can i say that is the way i am. even as i write it i have all these thoughts, random of course, but never unleashed. composure. i must always sustain that cause it is my world.

i often wonder, who reads this? onto other things. memories, they are an almighty powerful weapon. sure we can control them, but can we really? lately i have been watching too much tv. i really gotta get off it.

but as i was saying. memories. whenever it rains i become nostalgic. why is that? i don't exactly know yet, or maybe i do, but it hasn't fully dawned on me yet. My recent awakening has caused me to think. more than usual that is. but yeah, lately i have been in deep thought. about what, you ask? about life, about the future. about the past, about the present. pretty much everything. i feel even my life is a multi-task. i think television is my tunnel, my escape. because then, i can't dwell in deeep thought. i think my rant has gotten a little too extreme that even i can't grasp what is going on. so let me slow things down and breathe a little.

the winter is nearing so the season is just right around the corner. i don't know if i'll be able to board. gotta find an orthopedic person to check out my knee. i been working out more lately. back to 5 days a week. would be more, but i am pretty busy these days.

feeling so lazy, i really need to be more active or study more. i am growing tired of tv. blah blah blah. enough said.

hi blogger. it is i, of course. so yesterday i was about to blog. but it cleared on me. so this is my second attempt to try to recapture the mood i was in. so around 9:30 ish. my dad calls my brother and tells him that he think someone stole our (my) car. i was like what the....no way. so my brother replies to my dad, are you sure? maybe you should look again. and so my brother and i go to venture out and get my parents and help find the car. see here is the situation. they went to the san gabriel super store and there are two parking lots. and so that is why my brother kept implying that they look again. so then, on our way there my brother calls to ask my dad if he and my mom found the car yet. and the answer was no. so half way there my dad calls my brother and tells him that they found the car. thank goodness. my shoes and such were in there. i was also thinking to myself at the time it happened...... what kind of car do i want to get. and gosh, i couldn't think of one. i am really not ready to purchase anything vast, i guess. so yeah. apparently a lot of people who shop at that place think that they got their car stolen, but just that they were looking at the wrong place. see that wouldn't happen to me cause i am pretty good at remembering where i park. but with age that may not be so prevalent.

also, apparently someone scratched up my car. stupid people who are so careless about opening their doors too widely. i mean really if you can't be considerate....yes i am talking to all you old asian people out there who are so careless....also you old people in general and everyone for that matter. be more careful or else you'll get what is coming to you. it always happened when i am not there. boy if i was i would give them a piece of my mind. none of this passive stuff. it'll be a full on war.

what else is on my mind. i went to the mall this morning. realize that i'll be needing to get some petite length pants. gosh. boo... but ae just makes their pants way too long. they say 32 and a half inseam, but it's really like a 34. usually i don't like to get jeans from there. but i found one worthy of my taste. so all i gotta do is exchange the one i got. which reminds me, i need one of those 15% of things. bahhh....anyone got one.

other news. i'll be in sd more frequently cause now i am there 4 days instead of 3. work, i guess i haven't talked about that. i am enjoying it. better than my 3 day one. hehehe. i am always traveling from one place to the other, it keeps me busy. this is temporary of course. next year, i'll be back in irvine. i hope i get my own desk. i should cause i have a computer. anyways. that's it for now. i rant again, when i am furious or so to say.

hi blogger. so today, i wend to redondo beach. as i had just typed redondo, i realize that it is a funny looking word. think about it, RED-ON-DO. it looks beter on caps, seeeing that now. anyways, i also found out that the mall here has just opened an AE. ROARRRR. i went all the way to west covina. if only i had knowned. oh well. next time. they are closed now. i might go tomorrow. but to south coast. after work. it will be quick. ahh...i start work tomorrow. boo hoo hooo.

so yeah, i need to iron. must look appropriate for the first day of work. i think it is going to be fun. yuppie. okay, i am going to go lazy around and perhaps being to iron, later. it smells like oil. oh no.

so i was just reading a few of my earlier blog entries. and wow. who knew that i have been keeping up with this since 2002. listening to pachebel canon brings from some good memories. more so 'my sassy girl.' sometimes i miss the old days, but should i erase my past or so i take it along with me. buddha says to never look behind. but is that possible? sure, why not? but entirely? anyways, i will rant more about this in a few. i just worked out. now i need to shower, buy eggs, and look for some business casual pants. what defines business casual anyways. but yeah. i am getting fat. i need to watch what i eat or something.

i am back. well when i went up north during labor day, i almost everyone wearing a yellow wrist band. and i was like, hmmm....i wonder why? then yesterday, i thought i had figured it out. and well, i thought it was like an identification thing. but here's what it is really. it's a wristband saying LIVESTRONG, to support cancer survivors and anything cancer related, i assume. let me read about it. here's a link though, if you'd like one. LIVE STRONG in addition, it has also become fashionable. read about it.

so check it out everyone, pictures and comments. even a new layout cool, huh?

so here is how my day went. i work up pretty early. so i think i already metioned that. but i did get my trim. that was so nice. i really needed it too. for some reason my hair was so dry and had all these split ends. usually i don't get those. but it was so nice to get a refreshing trim. then i went home. made dinner. watched ssome degrassi and did in-between stuff. whatelse. tomorrow, i may go shopping for some businesss casual clothes. i really need pants. i am getting fat. i need to work out more. it's that 2 week lag and it is killing me. start my new job on monday. that will be fun. okay... think i a even working in sd tues and wed, but not sure yet. oh well. laters.

magarita rocks 

at magarita rocks, where i went out with my friends on saturday night. this was out in PB. there were a bunch of skanky hoo girls. they were all lined up dancing. it was hilarious.

at mt. diablo 

this picture was taken during my trip up to the bay area during labor day weekend. sean and i went up to mt diablo. it was interesting but not a glorious water view. very nature like.

testing comments..

what to blog about today? hmmm... i woke up pretty early today cause i went to sleep super early. i banked about 10 hours of sleep. my tummy aches. i guess i need to poo. i hope i can get my haircut/trimmed today cause yesterday when i went my hairstylist had already gone home. =(

i really need a trim. i feel like my hair is dried out. i wanna do something drastic, but it most likely will not happen. just a simple touch up will do.

irvine, it's so depressing here. i need to get out. the more i become submerged into this society, the more depressed i become. i need a new environment and i think irvine has become expired. for the next month, i'll be travelling a lot and won't be home at all. so maybe after that, i'll grow to appreciate my habitat once again. i'll guess we'll see. also it may just be my inner niche that is bothering me. come to think of it.....is being a hermit so wrong? once again the balancing gaming is played. i know my balance do you? let us hope i do not forget.

i was contemplating about working out, but i shouldn't really push myself, so i am going to take it chill. day of rest. i'll work out tomorrow.

i was thinking about high school. are we really the person we were back then. maybe, maybe not. but i truly believe that sure i may have some attributes from back them, but overall, i am a completely changed person. i don't even remember who i was back then, but 5 years from now, can i say the same thing? i beleive we are constantly changing, even though, it is say that you can't change a person. sure that is true, but a person can be molded in many ways especially if they become effected by a force of unchangable energy.

life, what really is the meaning of life? why was i put on this earth. what is my purpose in life. why was i created. there are so many ways to answer that. it is our choice to choose that path. it is up to me to decide my purpose. as of right now, my purpose in life is to ....

bad gas. so conditioner. it works wonders. thank you!

i just hate it when i can't study. i am just staring at my book aimlessly. i need to concentrate. concentrate.

BEACHED WHALE. why me?

blog blog blog. so yesterday, i went to hollywood and etc with my dad and uncle.

the day started off with me waking up and taking my car in to get serviced. i was expecting a rental car cause that's what the person who i made the appointment with told me. but there was no rental car so i was pretty peeved. dumb ass wonderies toyota. i might never go there again. the day before i took my car in for an oil change cause i knew it needed one. so i take it in and they tell me that my transmission needs maintance and that i need new rear breaks, windshield wipers plus an ail filter. oh my gosh. there's needs to be a buyer beware sign. oh well, so i take it in cause i figure it is hitting the 100,000 mark soon, so why not. and so at the end of the say i came out with 558$ or service being done. thanks to my parents i have a car that is safe and runs efficiently. i love how it doesn't make that eeeeeee eeeeee sound when you are braking.

so in between all that i wait almost an hour for my dad to pick me up and then i go and work out to blow off some steam and fat. oh yeah....stupid greg....i want my rental car. short stubby man! okay, enough venting on that end. so my dad, uncle and i head off to the glendale galleria and shop. there was a stupid security guard that was like you can't take pictures, it's not allow. so you know what.....here's what i say to him........dumb ass i'll take whatever picture i like. and that is what i did. after that we went over to my mom's store and took a picture of her. i guess she wanted my uncle to see where she worked at. i met the store director. he seemed pretty nice. moving on, we head over to hollywood. first hitting up thai town.

we ate at kruang tedd. they were setting up their 10 year anniversary. usually i enjoy the pad thai there, but it just wasn't that good this time around. i was kinda sad. and the appetizer was last. it took forever to come and our waitress was pretty rude. she really didn't deserve the 15%-18% tip. so i don't know if i will go there again. however lunch was cheaper so that was a plus.

after, we head over to the thai dessert place. i never get disappointed there. they are always so nice. my dad liked it too, he wanted to try a bunch of stuff. it was cute. but i have to control him or else he'll buy the whole store. while waiting, i spoke with a gentleman that wondered what kasava was. my dad really loves it so he had to have some so i was attempting to explain what it was, but alas, i wasn't sure myself. but it is almost like sweet potato. so apparently, taht person taught i was on summer vacation. passing off as a high school graduate. passing off even as a college graduate/student. it is flattering to look so young. i really don't mind. i think i may have been older that him.

so then we headed off to the kodark theater/mann chinese theater. it was hot and touristy. there's was a masked of zorro who was like 'beautiful lady' can i take a picture with you. so i was like ok. then he was asking for tips. that is obsured. 1) you want to take a picture with me. 2) why do i have to tip you. 3) if anything you should tip me and not pout about it. 4) why don't you get a REAL job. JACKASS. I hate those kinds of people.

we finally ended the day with picking up my car.

okay, back to naruto.

oh yeah. i got a new job. i am excited. i didn't continue with my other one because i felt like i was getting chemical poisoning. health= more important than money. remember that!

at home in arcadia and chilling in my queen size bed while using my bros labtop. it is nice. but the thing with a labtop is that it can get hot. i don't particularly like that. but oh well. i plan to get a powerbook in the near future. other plans get an slr and also a new cell phone. see these are just technological advances that i would like to have. in addition, the current car of my choice is an m3 so perhaps i will begin to save up for that. but i am not sure yet.

so today was my last day at work. it was my first entry level job right outta college. i was there for about a year and 2 months. i am now moving on to something else. when it rains it pours. ramon was right cause i almost got 3 offers, really i had two really tough companies that made offeres to me. it was really just so hard. i wish i could have done both. phil gave me some good advice. he asked me....do you want to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond. i am glad i have made my decision. i can sleep better at nights. coming back to the road not taken. of course, we will never know. it is just something that we will have to take as it is.

i am fortunate to have such an experience that has instilled my confidence level to a new height. monday i open up another chapter in my life. let's hope it's a good one. cheers to that!

aside from my good fortune lately, i am sadden to say something unnecessary. overall, that company i worked for was great. great people. xcept for one individual. on my last day at work, this individual who we will call RR sends me an email. before i disclose the email let me begin with the story of how i met RR. one day i was walking along the hallways to inject to and from my cycles because at work i have to walk a lot from one sterilizer to another or from injection point to sterilizer. so i guess RR would see me around and one day i guess thinking that he refered to me as a pig in spanish but meant something else. i of course was oblivious to all this because when i am running two or three machines i am pretty busy because i have to focus on what needs to be taken care of. WORK FIRST OF COURSE. i don't have time to mess up or chit chat. so naturally, i am in constant motion. but of course i am always polite and smile.

so then another incident. i was in the lunch room taking a break and RR comes and speaks to me. telling me about an email he sent and something about a girls' behavior. so of course i listen cause i am a good listen. and once in a while i will make a comment when my opinion is asked. and thus. i give it. of course it is a reserved comment, because that's how i am. it is just how i was raised. i would rather be that than a whore. come to think of it this RR sometimes forwards racist email. next incident that i can remember is halloween where i asked him, so any plans for halloween cause it's polite to make small chat sometimes especially when you run across them in the halls. and he tells me oh he is going to be good and not whore around. and i was like okay. shouldn't have asked. you can now see why i don't make small chat sometimes. cause you just get info you don't need to know. i can only assume that i make him nervous; thus him saying things that he normally would not.

to continue on. another encounter was when i was about to put in a cycle. so i was in a bit of a rush and really did not have time to chit chat. and so RR goes i had a dream about you and i was like ...ok.....(thinking that it was very odd and inappropriate coming from him especially the way he brought it up). so he tells me that he couldn't sleep and busts out the taro cards. tells me there was something about my eyes that captivated him. (gross!!!!) really this isn't something that is appropriate for a work conversation. so he tells me that in the cards that he sees i am going on a trip, which i was and that i was unsure about it. i thought that was creepy cause it made him sound stalkerish. also he mentioned something about my baking, and yeah.. can you say STALKER. then he send me this email saying that he was going away cause he needs to find the bigger bucks and that he should stop talking to me. we don't even talk. really that is. psycho huh? so i was like, okay, politely send him a farewell email and wish him on his way.

oddly when i came back from my vacation he was still there. so i was suprised. he must have been really embarrassed. so i felt really awkward then cause well wouldn't you?

then two days ago, he gives me a cd and says i heard from the grapevine that you are leaving. and gives me a cd. and i was like ok. that was really odd. and i was like, what is this for. he says, i think you will like it. i think i know you're taste. i think not. i am not that easy to read. and says he will write an email tomorrow. and this is where i begin with the email bit that i thought was unnecessary. maybe i should post it on here. kinda too long though.

FIRST of the asshole RR begins by nicknaming me as a crazy cat. hello ass, i have a name. i hate it when people try to give me nicknames when they don't even know me. you don't have the right to be so friendly with me when you are not my friend. when you refer to me as a bitch. i will go on about that later on.

weird thing is how did he get my hotmail account address. it's cc to my hotmail and i don't know why. of course i never want him to use it. i don't want to receive dumb junkmail from him or email telling me how to change. cause ONE i do not need to change. and what right have you to tell me that. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. then RR goes on to say that i am dumb for choosing hotmail as my domain cause it is a public address and i am like...loser.......it's an email adress. don't judge me on email addresses. you are asking to be treated like scum when you say something like that to me.

then the weirdo RR comes up with these insinuation that he begged for my friendship. this is unheard of. continues to say especially and i quote ... "a thing for sure is that i never beg for friendship; specially from girls (I always had the enemy nearby) and I don't care if they are easy to the eyes or perhaps better looking, but i do care if they are cool. which is exactly my predicament and reason for this e-mail, because you are very, very nice when not in that f....bitchy mood. besides it was decided not to stop and talk to you just so to not let people gossip about it and make it a big deal out of it, with so many harrassment laws made by "meauuuu" politicians influences by ugly women it becomes an issue."


so what hell the is that suppose to mean. first of say it to my face and not hide behind an email. friendship...what friendship. i don't work with you. you just pass by my occassionally. what i can't walk around the office. i need to move from lab to lab to conduct my task. harrassment...you know what you have harrassed me. maybe i should report you. people like you don't deserve to be around people like me cause you just harrass us and make judgements that are not called for.

RR goes on to say that he wished he could have known me better and that he wished he could have guided me to what is right and wrong, etc. HELL NO. i don't want to learn anything from you. you are diseased because you have just insulted how my parents have raised me. RR you don't know me. you don't know about my life. my parents did a great job raising me and i am happy the way i turned out. i have morals unlike most kids these days. i know right from wrong. and i know i was a hell of a lot more discipline that your average teenager/college student. and you probably. i can't help it if i was raised in a nurturing environment. my parents worked hard to provide me with an environment that encouraged me to pursuit the best the i can be. and you calling me out for this? i think that is dispicable.

now he is being a hypocrite by saying that i don't need to change, but that i need to modify my personality. same thing asshole. i'll quote something RR said in bold and big lettered: "Do not ever change. Do instead modify the over layer(s) of your personality. I felt hurt and little;And if it wasn't for a female friend of mind that advised me and the accomplishments obtained at your young age which I respect, I would've spanked the bitch out of you."

if that wasn't sexually harrassment, then what is. comments please. okay i think i have written a lot. sorry if there are typos. the cursor likes to move around.

it has been a while. i am back, though i have not really gone anywhere. so a lot has happened lately. i quit my job and got a new one. i have been getting a lot of offers lately. it's nice. i went up north. that was nice too. i have lots to rant about but at the same time my writing is minimal cause i don't want to relieve too much. it's odd, these online journals only give you a glimpse of what i am thinking as oppose to a true journal. they are almost like clues. clues to what my mind is really thinking.

to be honest i am very reserved. i keep what i am thinking to myself and only say a little. though at times i can rant on and on. what does that mean? i don't know. i guess i am careful of others' feelings.

lately i have been down. why? perhaps cause it's the end of something i have been use to for the past year. or perhaps it is because i am entering something new. for the past year, i feel as though i have been in a state of limbo. in which there was litte stability in my life. now i have that stability, but still i am afraid of it. why? who knows. perhaps cause of the future. it is still unplanned. perhaps it is?

i hope that by next year i'll have all this figured out.

for time being i guess i'll just listen to this: transatlanticism

okay, i am beyond gaseous. I have killed myself 3 times. someone save me. gosh, what the hell did i eat?

i am so tired. so much to do but so lazy i am. see this is what is on my plate. i got my UCSF secondaries. then i got laundry, i gotta study. and i gotta pack. ROAR. in addition to all that i fell ROUND. like a beached whale. it's not helping at all. i really need to destress. i would usually go running, but i can't cause i got injured. i am feeling way better now though, but i have to give it a couple more days to heal. so instead i went to the pool today.

i am going to lay down now.

of interest:


You are Zhang Ziyi. you're free and wild. you like to have fun, whether it's flying in the air, picking fights, pretending to be a guy or kicking ass. you like to do it all. you also have an evil side which some ppl dislike. the only thing you've been really wanting to do is to shut chris tucker's annoying ass up! as he would say it, "you are one crazy bitch!"

ba ba ba ba. melody. i watch the patchwork fall, slow fade, to the ocean's arm, from here, can't see, can't taste, recycled air. i watch....come down......recycled air.

i watch the patchwork fall, slow fade to the ocean's arm, come down, release your arms.....

melody......i was waiting for a cross town train, when it struck me, waiting till birth like a movie, change my plan, rent a camera and a van ad cal you, pretend we are in love again, want so badly to believe truth in love real. am i like every word obsurd. melody...... i grace the lens frame using a friend as a stand, script called no rain, faked it. lockers snapped, crying on set. ACTION. kiss in a style clark gable mine. classic. badly believe love is real. am i like word...obsurd. wise beyond years, ever get fear? perfect person lie. tell self help, can't lie.

so yeah, the above proves that i can't keep up with songs. BOO! i am so DAMN full. oh, stuffed i am. so yeah, today i watched garden state. it was good. everyone should watch it. i'll definitely own that DVD. and i can't wait till scrubs comes out this week. hmm....yeah!

my ass is so sore. ouchie. i am sleepy, but not really. so i mananged to injure my knee/left leg. it is all warm right now and my cap moves. is that normal? i think it is getting better though cause yesterday it was pretty bad. it was all red and swollen. this morning it is cooling down. i may see the doctor again and have an x-ray done. the pain comes and goes. i don't know why. maybe going to work all those days was a bad idea. i am glad i am resting now though. i can't wait to be up and running. hopefully by tuesday. i have been sleeping on my back and it is killing me. i hate to sleep on me back.

i wanna watch garden state, it looks good. i am going to try to do that tomorrow. i also want to go to fat burger. haven't had a burger in a while. and lately, the food choice of the month has been curry. so yummy, but so high in sodium.

i am getting sleepy, i think i will go back to sleep.

so much on my mind, but so silent i am.

hi there blog. i am so tired. i am pretty much done with my arizona secondary. i just need my stinking SAT score. can you believe that. well anyways, i have to acquire that then i can send it off. after that one more secondary to go. today i sent out la's . nice to have that one done.

i made brownies today it was good.

okay, i am tired. just a short rant today.

so i am getting older. i already feel so old. gosh....where did my youth go?